We talked about whether monogamy is a realistic relationship goal in the gay community on this episode.
I have been married to my husband for 5 years and together for 8 and the truth is that monogamy is only hard if you’re not having fulfilling sex. If your partner is attentive to your needs and the two of you are sexually in sync, you make time to have “dates” and sex AND you’re in sync emotionally as well, then I don’t think monogamy is difficult. However, if you’re in a relationship with a partner in which the sex is nonexistent or you just don’t connect on that level anymore, that opens the door to cheating. The bottom line is, we as men, need sex. It’s a biological directive and a very difficult part of ourselves to bury. So in this case, monogamy becomes very difficult and is completely unrealistic.
As long as the two people in a relationship agree on the rules then no harm. It only becomes an issue when one breaks the rules of monogamy, even if it’s justified.
So yes, monogamy for gay men is perfectly realistic, as long as you’re with someone who respects your needs and is the right person. And that goes for anyone, gay straight, bi or otherwise.